So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
