I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize