I wish I could teleport
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
