I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
