Me. At least after what I've been through.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
