The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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