Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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