The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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