quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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