I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
