She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
