I am puke
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
