i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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