bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
