my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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