No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
