Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
