Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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