the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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