so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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