ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
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Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize