I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet