I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
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at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
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You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on