i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.