somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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