I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
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You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.