i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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