i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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