Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
