Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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