Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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