i would punch a child for taco bell
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
