he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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