and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
