So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
