so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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