I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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