the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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