He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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