I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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