Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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