We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
