Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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