how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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