The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
