my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
