party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
