I want to walk on stilts...naked
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
