none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
