I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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