So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
