You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
