Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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