omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
