Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
