Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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