I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
