He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
being pregnant is like rehab
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
