He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
