if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
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