and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The air taste purple.
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