She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize