things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
