i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
