i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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