If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
