My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
