We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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