i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
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