Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
