I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize