how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
