I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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