is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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