ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize