420 ftw
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
