Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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