We're facebook friends in real life
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
