Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
