he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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