I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
ugly people sure do ruin things
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
